By the end of this post, you will know what imperfect daily action you can take to make sure your relationship is where you want it to be as your kids leave the house.
How satisfied are you right now in your Intimate Love Relationship domain? Ask yourself these questions. These can apply to a current relationship, or if you are not currently in a relationship, a future one.
- What does your ideal intimate relationship look like?
- What values must your partner share?
- What attracted you to your significant other?
- How are you treating your significant other in your relationship?
- How do you want to be treated in your relationship?
- What words do you use and actions do you take to show you value your significant other?
- How lovable are you on a scale of 1-10?
- What do you do when you spend time together?
- What would you like to spend time doing together?
The answers to these questions will give you an idea of what you want your relationship to look like and how close your current relationship is to looking like the one you want.
Now put some thought into this… Are your words and actions showing your significant other that you value him/her the way you always have, even if you do not have as much alone time to spend together as you once did?
It is so easy to put our significant others and our intimate love relationships last on the list – well 2nd to last, because we save the last spot for ourselves way too often, right?
We think our relationship will always be the same, always be there. If we continue to think this way, what spot will we find ourselves in when the kids are out of the house?
Will we feel connected and on the same page? … Ummm, no. Will we be ready and excited that we now have more time to put towards each other? Chances are no.
Instead we will feel disconnected and awkward.
Will it help ease the lonely and empty feelings that can come on strong when our children leave to go out into the world? I would say a big fat no to that.
So what can you do now to ensure your intimate love relationship will be right where you want and need it to be when the time comes for your children to move on?
First Step
You can start by showing, through your words and actions, that you value your significant other. You value him/her for the people they are and for what they do for you.
If you do value your relationship, find ways through your words and actions to help your significant other be clear on that fact. These can be very small, non-time consuming things. Like simply tell him or her — what you still love about him/her, how he or she makes your life better, or what you like that he or she does for you. It can be something really small.
My husband unloads the dishwasher every morning. He doesn’t not do this just for me, but if he didn’t do it, I would be stuck with it. I appreciate that and him for doing it. It’s a simple thing, but it helps me so much not to have that 1 more thing to do in the morning.
This is important for your significant other to know now, but it’s also important for your future because it is a way for you to stay connected even with busy schedules. Think of what your relationship will be like if you lose this connection and need to start over once kids are out of the house. It is much harder to build that bridge than to maintain the one that is already standing. It can leave your intimate love relationship struggling and leave your significant other feeling he/she was not important until no one else is around … that they are last on the list.
You want to keep this foundation strong so that when you have more time together, you will be ready to enjoy it.
So the first thing – show through your words and actions that you value your relationship and the other person in it.
Second Step
Plan your future together. That sounds like a simple thing, but how often do we actually talk about and plan our futures together? There never seems to be enough time in the day, right? Most of us just let the future happen and then deal with it as it comes.
But how are you going to get to where you want to go if you don’t have a plan? If you don’t have a plan together, how do you know if you are both heading in the same direction? If you aren’t heading in the same direction, where will your relationship end up?
Take the time to go on a walk or two and discuss where you each see yourselves in 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, and 10 years?
We greatly overestimate what we can accomplish in 1 year, but greatly underestimate where we can be in 5 years and 10 years.
- When do you want to retire?
- Where do you want to live?
- What do you want to spend your time doing?
- What interests do you want to pursue?
Ask yourself these questions. Ask your partner. Then create a plan together that will get you where you want to go.
Knowing that you are on the same path, will go a very long way to keeping you heading in the same direction and knowing that you want to work on valuing each other in the present and in the future.