Overcome relationship anxiety :Take control with counseling and therapy with Empower Counseling..
What is Relationship Anxiety?
Relationship anxiety is a feeling of insecurity, doubt, fear, and worry about a relationship. It can show up in different ways, such as needing constant reassurance from your partner or having difficulty trusting them.
Symptoms of relationship anxiety include avoiding important relationship steps like meeting family members or making long-term plans, being overly critical of your partner or yourself, and feeling a deep fear of rejection.
It’s important to recognize the signs of relationship anxiety so that you can take steps to address it and create a healthier relationship with your partner.=
Common signs of relationship anxiety:
Relationship anxiety is a common issue that can affect individuals in various ways, showing up through a range of signs and symptoms.
Some of the most common signs of relationship anxiety include:
- constant worry about the relationship’s stability or future
- fear of rejection or abandonment
- excessive need for reassurance from one’s partner- always asking “Are we O.K.?”
- doubting your partner’s feelings for you
- Sabotaging your relationship-liking pushing your partner away to see if your partner is willing to fight for you and your relationship.
If you are experiencing relationship anxiety you may also exhibit clingy or controlling behaviors, driven by insecurities and a need for validation.
Conversely, you might engage in emotional distancing or avoidance, as a means to protect yourself from perceived threats of vulnerability or intimacy.
Overanalyzing every aspect of the relationship, such as scrutinizing communication patterns, interpreting minor disagreements as indicators of a doomed partnership, or placing unrealistic expectations on oneself and one’s partner, is another sign of relationship anxiety. This can lead to feelings of unworthiness or the belief that one’s partner is “too good” for them, which can further perpetuate anxiety.
Additionally, relationship anxiety may cause physical symptoms such as insomnia, stomach issues, or muscle tension, due to the ongoing stress and worry.
It is essential for individuals experiencing these signs to recognize their relationship anxiety, seek professional help with an anxiety therapist like Empower Counseling, and work towards developing healthy communication and coping strategies to foster a more secure and fulfilling partnership.
What Causes relationship anxiety? View of self and others
How we each view ourselves has everything to do with who we are and how we show up in an intimate relationship. If you have a negative core belief about yourself like “Not enough”, “Unlovable” or “Unworthy” it is going to negatively interfere with how you interact in relationships.
The negative Core Belief of “Not Enough”
The negative core belief of “not enough” can manifest in love relationships in a variety of ways. It can cause us to feel that we don’t have enough to offer our partner. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem, which can then lead to unhealthy relationship dynamics such as codependency and controlling behavior. It can also lead us to make decisions based on fear of loss rather than what is best for the relationship, such as staying in an unhealthy relationship out of fear of being alone or settling for someone who doesn’t meet our needs because we don’t believe we can do better.
At Empower Counseling, we specialize in anxiety therapy so we see clients with relationship anxiety every day.
What are some of the most common unhealthy tendencies of clients with the “not enough” belief in relationships? First you need to understand, this belief has nothing to do with the relationship itself and everything to do with how you see yourself. It can be triggered by being in a relationship but it was present within you beforehand.
What does “not enough” look like in a relationship?
This “not enough” belief can show up in a number of ways in a relationship. Being in a relationship can aggravate this insecurity in a way you might not feel when you are not in a relationship.
Not being authentic because afraid of being too much.
Huh? I thought you were just talking about clients who think they are not enough! I know it sounds counterintuitive but we have seen it so many times. Having the belief you are “not enough” keeps you in your head thinking about exactly how you should act to have the other person pick you.
There is a need to be validated and since you believe you are “not enough” you think you must find the exact perfect place between not being enough and being too much or “extra”. You think it will increase your self-esteem and you will finally feel like you are enough if you can convince someone to pick you. The problem with this “pick me” mentality is that it often leads to unhealthy relationships and more insecurity.
Clients who believe they are “not enough” want to come across as being the “cool, low maintenance girlfriend because they think that is what partners want. So she will keep her wants and needs to herself, and bend over backwards to be whoever and whatever the potential partner needs. She will go with the flow even if the potential partner is rude, inconsiderate, and disrespectful.
This “not enough” can be associated with an insecure attachment style or anxious attachment which could stem from early childhood. Instead of thinking about what you want in a partner and what you value in a relationship, you will be focused on what the partner wants and how to be that person. Since this is out of your control, always thinking about being what your partner wants will create more and more anxiety and insecurity instead of less.
The negative core belief of “Unlovable”
Having the negative core belief of “unlovable” can cause relationship anxiety in different ways than “not enough”. If you are a people pleaser you may experience this negative belief about yourself. If you believe this about yourself you may not believe or accept the love that is coming your way.
You may doubt that your partner is telling the truth when your partner expresses love. Because you do not believe you are lovable, you don’t love yourself, and can not understand how someone else could truly love you.
Not believing your partner obviously causes issues in the relationship. This might look like you being suspicious of your partner’s motives, constantly questioning your own beliefs and thoughts or feeling lonely within a relationship. Instead of being in a trusting, healthy relationship, you may find yourself questioning the feelings of your current partner.
The negative core belief “unworthy”
Feeling unworthy of love can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors in relationships. If you have thoughts of being unworthy, you will have low self-esteem and may feel not worthy of being loved and accepted,
This can cause you to act in ways that push away potential partners or prevent them from forming meaningful connections. You may be overly critical of yourself or your partner, become defensive when criticized, or avoid intimacy altogether. These behaviors can create a cycle of insecurity and rejection that makes it difficult for you to find lasting happiness in a relationship.
If you experience any of the above thoughts, feelings, or behaviors it is important to work with an Acceptance Commitment anxiety Therapist to overcome these negative core beliefs.
You do not have to remain in this place of insecurity and distrust. It is important for you to love, accept, and believe positive things about yourself so that you can have a healthy love relationship. If you believe negative things about yourself you will accept negative words and behaviors toward you.
At Empower Counseling, we specialize in anxiety therapy so we see clients with relationship anxiety every day.
The most common unhealthy tendencies of clients with the “not enough”
Past Relationships
Relationship anxiety can also stem from how you were treated in a past relationship. Maybe when you entered this relationship your self-esteem was intact. However, through your partner’s words and actions, your anxiety levels increased and your self-esteem decreased.
This can happen as a result of trauma bonding with your romantic partner causing anxious attachment. Your partner may have started out love bombing you, making you feel great about yourself and your new relationship.
But somewhere down the road everything changed and your partner began tearing you down and quickly building you back up, leaving you questioning your own thoughts and beliefs about yourself and your relationship. This kind of behavior can degrade your self worth and lead to anxiety disorders.
ACT for relationship anxiety Success Stories
At Empower Counseling, we are trained in Acceptance Commitment Therapy as anxiety therapists. This is a higher level cognitive behavioral therapy that can completely change your mindset about yourself and how you function within your relationships, not just your intimate love relationship.
Uncover negative core beliefs
First, we help uncover any negative core beliefs you may have about yourself.
We help you recognize the thoughts you are having and the negative things you are saying to yourself because of this negative core belief.
Create a more positive view of Yourself
Then we help you move away from this negative picture of yourself and create a positive picture of yourself. By moving away from your negative core beliefs toward self-compassion and even self-love, you will be preparing yourself to only want and accept relationships that are right for you. You will be able to break the pattern of past relationships moving forward.
Focus on your values
Through Acceptance Commitment therapy with one of our anxiety therapists, Kathryn, Savannah, or Marti, you will focus on what you value, what is important for you to have in your relationships. This will move you away from the “pick me” mentality filled with relationship insecurity, toward focusing on what you want in a relationship and how you can get it.
Instead of focusing on what others are thinking about you and what others want from you-which is a place of high anxiety, you will be focused on noticing if your relationship is giving you what you want and need. When your anxiety counselor at Empower Counseling helps you make this shift, you will notice your self-confidence and self-esteem increase.
Your past experiences will truly be in the past and you will learn to focus on the future you want.
Success stories from Acceptance Commitment Therapy for relationship anxiety
At Empower Counseling we have seen so many success stories! We have seen clients come in for anxiety counseling not even recognizing the extent their anxiety was affecting their romantic relationships. They had no idea how their negative thoughts about themselves were contributing to them having unhealthy or toxic relationships.
Self-Love
We witnessed these same clients move to a place of self-acceptance and all the way to self-love. When they reached this place of self-love everything changed. These same clients realized what they wanted and believed they were worthy of having it for the very first time. They recognized how their feelings about themselves directly affected how they interacted in their relationships.
Break unhealthy patterns
These clients were then able to break the patterns that had always been present in their long-term relationships. They understood that they were perfectly normal, they were enough, they were lovable, and yes, even worthy of having the relationships they wanted.
We saw these same clients, as a result of anxiety counseling, find clarity about what was important to them, what they valued in life. We used these values to guide clients toward the type of boundaries they must set to protect themselves from a unhealthy relationship and unhealthy relationship experiences.
Tools for Success
These clients have “graduated” from anxiety therapy with Empower Counseling with increased self-esteem and self-confidence and the tools they need to live their best lives and experience healthy and fulfilling relationships.
When to seek professional help from an anxiety therapist for relationship anxiety
If you recognize or identify with any of the negative core beliefs mentioned, anxiety counseling can help.
If you recognize relationship based anxiety in your current or past relationships, in which you were constantly worrying about what to say and do in your relationship, anxiety counseling can help.
If you struggle to set boundaries to protect your wants and needs in previous relationships, anxiety therapy can help you.
If you are worried about your mental health and feel anxious about even pursuing a romantic relationship and are afraid to start dating, anxiety therapy with Empower Counseling can help.
If you have lower self-esteem than you want and you deny your own needs in your daily life, anxiety therapy is for you.
At Empower Counseling, our trained anxiety therapists can help with all of the above-mentioned struggles and more.
Getting started with anxiety counseling for relationship anxiety is easy with Empower Counseling:
- Click here and scroll down our home page to request a quick, free 10 min consultation.
- Meet your anxiety therapist.
- Start down the path of healing.
Anxiety counseling for relationship anxiety is not the only service we provide at our Birmingham area counseling clinic. We also offer in person and online counseling in the state of Alabama for depression, trauma counseling, and counseling for difficult life transitions. We offer counseling for teens, and offer counseling for college students. We also offer counseling for young adults and therapy for professionals. We also specialize in counseling for perfectionism!
Contact Empower Counseling today!