Tips for Premarital Stress: Empower Counseling for difficult life transitions
The time between when you become engaged and when you say “I do” can be one of the most stressful times in your life.
Here are 3 reasons the time of engagement is so stressful and some tips to keep your stress levels manageable.
premarital stressor #1: the level of commitment you are making.
You are making the biggest commitment you have ever made. How can anyone promise to love one person for the rest of their lives? Your brain will try to protect you by throwing all of the negative “what ifs” at you. This is normal. Your brain is meant to protect you and keep you safe from harm….even emotional harm.
The problem is that our brains tend to go overboard, and only share with us the possible catastrophic things that could happen. Our brains do not share positive “what ifs” with us when we are thinking about something huge that we want to accomplish in the future. Your brain will say things like, “How can you know?” And “What if I am making a mistake?” Especially if you tend to become anxious when thinking about the future. Your brain will not say, “What if this is the beginning of the best part of your life?” Or “What if my marriage is one of the happiest unions in history?”. These positive “what ifs” could be true.
Tip for premarital stress:
When fears come up, ask yourself why you are marrying your future spouse. Think about the concrete reasons you fell in love with this person. Carry these reasons around with you if it helps. But don’t get tangled up in the “what ifs”. If you are struggling with “what ifs” that you can not seem to let go of, reach out to Empower Counseling.
premarital stressor #2: trying to please too many people.
If you are a “people pleaser” listening to and abiding by the barrage of advice and input you will receive from others will be overwhelming.
How can you please everyone?
You can’t and you should not try to.
Tip for premarital stress:
This is your one wedding. Let yourself sit back and close your eyes for a minute. Dream of YOUR wedding. What does it look like? How big or small is it? Is it in a church, on a beach, in the woods? What are you wearing? Who is there with you? Think of the vibe you want and the memories you want to take with you from the day.
Now go make that happen!
This is your day. This is your future spouse’s day. This day is not about anyone else wishes.
If you are a people pleaser, you most likely see confrontation as a bad thing and you avoid it at all cost. I would like to offer another way to look at confrontation. The word “confrontation” gets a bad wrap. Confrontation is an opportunity…an opportunity for better communication and better understanding. Confrontation is an opportunity to strengthen boundaries. Confrontation is necessary for growth and self-confidence. Confrontation, when approached in a loving and respectful way, is necessary in life, if you are ever going to have what you want.
premarital stressor #3: getting caught up in the details.
Everything has to be perfect, right? If you are worried about every detail being perfect, you are setting yourself up for disappointment, and it will take away from your beautiful day. It will not matter if one of the members of the string quartet does not show up. It will not matter if the cake is not exactly as planned.
Tip for Premarital Stress:
When you find yourself overwhelmed with details, take a deep breath, and mindfully focus on the reason for the day. What do you want to remember about it? What kind of connection do you want to enjoy with your new spouse on that day? Focus on this and let go of the details. You will enjoy your day much more.
If you are struggling during this difficult transition, reach out to Empower Counseling. We are here to help guide you through the difficult transitions in life. Kathryn, Adam, and Kristine are trained in Acceptance Commitment Therapy for difficult life transitions.
We even have evening and weekend appointments that can fit within your busy schedule.
Empower Counseling in Birmingham offers online and in-person therapy for teens, college students, young adults, and professionals. We specialize in Acceptance Commitment Therapy, a scientifically proven effective type of counseling for anxiety, depression, and difficult transitions in life. And is you are struggling with addiction issues, reach out to Adam, who is also an addiction specialist.
Call Empower today at 205-730-6570