How to Get Through the Holidays in Eating Disorder Recovery (When Every Gathering Is Built Around Food)

How to Get Through the Holidays in Eating Disorder Recovery (When Every Gathering Is Built Around Food)

“Everyone is going to be watching what I eat.” “I’ll just skip breakfast so I can handle dinner.” “If one more person tells me I look healthy, I’m going to leave.” If you are in recovery, you may already be counting down to the first holiday meal, and not in the way everyone else is. While the rest of the table talks about pie, you are planning where to sit, who to avoid, and how to get through dessert without anyone noticing what is happening inside you. Eating disorder recovery during the holidays means protecting the structure recovery depends on, like regular meals, trusted support and a plan, while the season disrupts all of them. The holidays intensify eating disorder thoughts because food, body comments and family stress arrive at once. A plan made before each gathering helps a person respond from recovery instead of from the disorder.

Why are the holidays so hard in eating disorder recovery?

You are far from alone in this. A Deloitte Access Economics report from 2020 estimated that 28.8 million Americans will have an eating disorder at some point in their lives. For many of them, the stretch between Thanksgiving and New Year’s is the hardest part of the year. The reasons stack. Nearly every gathering is organized around a meal. Routines that hold recovery steady, like regular meal times, therapy appointments and a familiar kitchen, get interrupted by travel and parties. And the people at the table are often the same people who were there when the eating disorder first took root. Then there is the pressure to look fine. In a 2025 LifeStance Health survey, 69% of adults said they feel at least some pressure to appear happier than they are during the holidays. In recovery, that pressure has a specific shape: act normal around the food, so nobody worries.

It is not really about the food

Here is what is easy to miss, even inside recovery: the eating disorder is not the problem. It is the solution your mind found to a much deeper problem. For many women, restricting, bingeing, compensating or controlling food began as a way to manage something that felt unmanageable. That might be anxiety, chaos at home, a sense of not being enough, or feelings that had nowhere else to go. The eating disorder did a job. It brought relief, or numbness, or a feeling of control. That is why it gets louder in December. It is not that holiday food is uniquely dangerous. It is that the feelings underneath, like old family tension, grief and the strain of performing happiness, get louder too. The eating disorder offers its old solution. At Empower, Hannah Hattaway Diller, LPC, and Cathrine Barnett, M.Ed., ALC, start from the same place. Instead of fighting the part of you that wants to restrict or binge, they get curious about the job it is doing. Cathrine, who is trained in ACT for eating disorders, often works with women whose relationship with food took shape in relationships that did not feel safe. When other people felt out of your control, food may have been the one thing that was not. Recovery does not mean defeating that part of you. It means understanding what it has been protecting you from, so you can care for that need another way.

The eating disorder gets louder at the holidays because the feelings underneath it get louder, too.

What makes the eating disorder voice louder at holiday meals?

Knowing your triggers ahead of time takes away some of their power. The most common ones women describe in our practice:

• “Saving up” for the big meal. Skipping breakfast feels like a plan. Usually it leaves your body depleted and the eating disorder in charge by mid-afternoon.
• Diet talk at the table. Someone starts a cleanse in January, or calls a dish “sinful.” Comments like that can pull your attention away from the conversation and back into the disorder.
• Comments about bodies, including compliments. “You look so healthy” is meant kindly. To a mind in recovery, it can sound like “we’re all looking at your body.”
• Earning and burning. The urge to “make up for” a meal with exercise or restriction afterward.

How to make a holiday recovery plan: Eating Disorder Recovery During the Holidays

Write this down before the gathering. A plan made calmly a week out is much stronger than a decision made at the table.

1. Keep your regular eating schedule. Eat breakfast. Eat lunch. If you work with a dietitian or treatment team, ask them before the holiday how to handle the meal, travel days and leftovers.
2. Choose one support person. Tell a partner, sibling or friend what is hard and what helps. Agree on a signal that means I need a break or change the subject.
3. Prepare your words. You do not owe anyone an explanation. Short, warm redirects work best:
   • “I’d rather not talk about bodies today. How’s the new job?”
   • “I’m just enjoying the day. Did anyone watch the parade?”
   • “I’m going to grab some air. Back in a minute.”
4. Plan your exits. A walk around the block, a few minutes on the porch, five minutes in the car with your support person on the phone. Leaving the room is not failing at the holiday. It is protecting your recovery so you can come back.
5. Plan for after the meal. The hardest moment is often the hour after eating, when guilt and urges peak. Decide in advance who you will text and what you will do. That might be a walk with your niece, a game, or a call with a friend who knows.

Hannah Hattaway Diller, LPC, often works with women stepping down from higher levels of care. For anyone in that position, this plan is worth sharing with the outpatient team before the holiday, not after it.

For family: what to say and what to skip

If someone you love is in recovery, you can make the day much easier for them. Most of it comes down to what you leave out.

• Skip body comments entirely. That includes compliments, weight loss talk about yourself or others, and comments on anyone’s clothing size.
• Skip food labels. Avoid “good,” “bad,” “sinful,” “earned” and “I’ll start my diet Monday.”
• Do not watch their plate. Act like it is any other meal. Your attention is felt even when you think it is subtle.
• Ask, privately and ahead of time, “What would make the day easier for you?” Then follow their lead.

If a slip happens: Eating Disorder Recovery During the Holidays

A hard moment, or even a hard day, does not erase your recovery. Recovery is not a straight line, and the holidays are some of the steepest terrain there is. Treat it like a scientist would. Ask yourself what happened right before. What were you feeling, and what did the eating disorder offer you in that moment? That is data, not a verdict. Then return to the next regular meal and tell your therapist or treatment team. Shame keeps the eating disorder in charge. Telling someone takes that power away.

Quick answers

Should I go home for the holidays if I’m in eating disorder recovery? It depends on where you are in recovery and what home is like. Talk it through with your treatment team. A shorter visit, staying somewhere else, or celebrating differently this year are all legitimate choices. What do I say when someone comments on my weight or body? Keep it short and change the subject: “I’d rather not talk about bodies today.” You do not have to explain your recovery to anyone. Is it normal for eating disorder thoughts to get worse at the holidays? Yes. The combination of food-centered gatherings, disrupted routines and family stress makes the season harder for most people in recovery. It does not mean recovery is not working.

What becomes possible: Eating Disorder Recovery During the Holidays

A recovery holiday will probably not be a perfect one. But it can be a holiday where the eating disorder is not the loudest voice at the table. Where you taste the food your grandmother makes and remember the stories, instead of spending the meal negotiating with your own mind. That is what Empower’s eating disorder outpatient therapy is built for. Hannah helps women whose mind will not give them peace, and who are ready to stop letting food, OCD or their own thoughts run their life. Cathrine helps women recover from relational trauma, and from the people-pleasing and self-doubt it can leave behind, through emotional abuse and relational trauma therapy. Want support in place before the holidays? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation. In person in Birmingham · Online throughout Alabama. If you are struggling right now, the National Alliance for Eating Disorders helpline is available at 1-866-662-1235. If you are in crisis or having thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988.

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More from Empower

Since this post argues that the food was never really the problem, here is the team trained to work on what sits underneath it, so you can find your therapist in Birmingham. Hannah Hattaway leads Empower’s eating disorder outpatient therapy. She supports women stepping down from higher levels of care, treats OCD, and offers pre-engagement and premarital counseling. Cathrine Barnett, M.Ed., ALC, the newest member of the team, brings ACT for eating disorders together with emotional abuse and relational trauma therapy, for women whose eating disorder grew out of relationships that did not feel safe. Brook Sullivan helps women who have come to believe their body is broken and it is all their fault, and are ready to stop carrying that alone. Dymond Callen, DMSc, PA-C, provides psychiatry and medication management for teens 14 and up and adults, coordinated with your therapist. The rest of the team covers every season of life. Founder Kathryn Ely offers therapy for perfectionism, which so often sits underneath an eating disorder. Anna Mills Fleenor specializes in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, from trying to conceive through the postpartum year. Marti Burton offers EMDR for anxiety, trauma and PTSD, trauma counseling, and support through difficult life transitions. Savannah Thrower provides therapy for ADHD, neurodivergent-informed therapy, and support for parents of neurodivergent children. Every Empower therapist also treats social anxiety disorder, which often travels with body image struggles. By stage of life, Empower offers teen counseling, counseling for college students, young adult counseling, therapy for professionals, and counseling for lawyers and attorneys. Across all of it, we treat anxiety, panic disorder and depression, with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as the foundation. You can see us in person near Forest Park, Homewood, Trussville and Vestavia Hills, at our office in Mountain Brook, or through online therapy in Alabama, including Auburn and Tuscaloosa. Hannah also sees clients online in Tennessee. College students can meet with us from Samford, the University of Alabama, Auburn University or Vanderbilt. Still deciding? Read our FAQ, check rates and insurance, take the quiz, get to know the practice on our about page, or head back to the Empower Counseling homepage. Other Blog Posts for You: How to Set Boundaries With Family During the Holidays (Without Feeling Like the Bad Guy)

Manage Perfectionism and Anxiety in Neurodivergent Teens

Sources

• Deloitte Access Economics (2020), The Social and Economic Cost of Eating Disorders in the United States, as cited by UNC Center of Excellence for Eating Disorders, “Eating Disorders During the Holidays”.
• LifeStance Health, Holiday Mental Health Report 2025, October 16–21, 2025, 1,023 U.S. adults.
• National Alliance for Eating Disorders helpline number, as reported by KOTA, November 28, 2025. Confirm the number on the Alliance’s website before publishing.